


The Rules of Drinking According to Derek Hale

by catchmeinmydreams



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alpha Scott, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Original Pack, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Protective Derek, old teen wolf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 12:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7801966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catchmeinmydreams/pseuds/catchmeinmydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek has several comments and concerns for the pack now that the wolves have found a way to drink alcohol. A line has to be drawn, and Scott is too drunk from last night to make a speech. So it's up to him and he has a lot to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rules of Drinking According to Derek Hale

Behold the werewolves found a way to cheat the ‘I can’t get drunk anymore’ curse. Well it wasn’t really a curse but it was a ‘teenage right of passage’ or so Erica said. It was a mix of herbs that could be put in any bottle of liquor or can of beer that would make a werewolf drunk.

They learned one weekend that werewolves can still throw up if they had too much. Boyd, unfortunately, had the displeasure of learning that after losing flip the cup.  Erica spent three hours rubbing his back while Derek just stood in the archway all broody but concerned.

They gathered usually at Lydia’s home for drinking games and dancing. On several occasions they would pregame there, go out to clubs, and then return. However on more than one occasion they would wake up in strange places.

Allison who could get drunk the normal way once woke up rolled in nothing but a twister mat, while Scott had fallen asleep on the piano. Then there was this really strange time Lydia and Isaac woke up in Mexico. When Derek asked how they got to Mexico and why Lydia answered “The last thing I remember was telling Isaac I wanted a margarita but that was right after we went shot for shot with vodka.”

Some nights there would be new guests which usually happened at the clubs. If they didn’t drink at Lydia’s they would drink at Derek’s although that was to be short lived when Derek called a meeting the morning after one of their parties. They couldn’t really blame Derek since they broke his lamp; there was a rabbit hiding in the bathroom, and the fact that someone painted Derek’s nails.

There needed to be rules, he explained, to an annoyed but somewhat captivated audience. He started with the obvious rules that turned out of character for Derek Hale or as so Stiles put it.

“One; Do not drink and drive! It does not matter if you can heal you are putting the humans in danger and even though the crash won’t kill you I will, got it? If you are not a werewolf here, just call me. No drinking an driving. I will pick you up. Got it? ”

Everyone nodded.

“Two: If you end up somewhere else or just want to go home call me because I will drive you.”

“But-“Isaac interjected.

“What?” Derek snapped.

Isaac didn’t comment further but Stiles did, “I believe what Isaac wanted to say is we don’t want to bother you, you get cranky. Plus you’re just plain mean spirited and not amused by any of us because we’re hilarious, well Erica is kind of mean when she’s drunk but minor details.”

“He’s mean all the time.” Scott said, “I mean no offense dude but you’re sour about everything.”

Scott is allowed to say these things because he’s a true alpha. He’s also the alpha of the pack but Scott is still very, very intoxicated so Derek is taking rank. This is fine, because something has to be said.

“But same goes for me.” Scott pipped up, half asleep on Allison’s shoulder, “If you really need a ride or need me for whatever reason, I will be there. I will sober up so fast because you all are my pack and I love you.”

“Love you buddy!” Stiles said from the opposite side of the couch.

They air high-fived.

“I’ll…” Derek paused, shaking his head at the interaction, “I’ll try and not be mean, okay? Just call me and I will come get you, it doesn’t matter what time.”  His eyes met Isaac’s and the boy looked less worried.

“Now the individual rules…” Derek began.

Erica groaned, “Why?”

“Thank you for volunteering, Erica. You are never allowed to play the Grease soundtrack ever again. _Ever.”_

“That was one time!” She shouted.

Lydia casually held up two fingers and Erica flipped her off.

“And Erica, you’re not allowed to drink rum. When you get rum in you, you cry about irrelevant things.”

“Like what?” Erica asked.

“You cried because you found mini mozzarella sticks in the fridge for 45 minutes then you cried again because Boyd asked if you wanted to watch Netflix.” Lydia said.

"Because Mozzarella sticks are amazing." Boyd states, wrapping an arm around Erica who smiled softly.

“That reminds me, Lydia.” He pointed at her, “Unless there is a real emergency you can’t scream!”

Lydia rolled her eyes.

Stiles laughed, “Lyd, you literally gave him heart failure. He ran out of the shower with shampoo still in his hair.”

“He’s just mad because my screaming resulted in everyone finding out _you_ were in the shower with him, Stiles.”

Derek sighed pressing his fingers on the bridge of his nose, “Just don’t do it okay?”

Lydia rolled her eyes, “Fine. Tell Stiles that jumping out of the closet isn’t okay to do to someone who’s stumbled upon multiple dead bodies.”

Derek turned towards Stiles, “Oh I’ve told him. And Stiles, you’re next.”

“Oh come on? What am I not allowed to do when I’m drunk?”

“Prank call me,  funnel beer, dance in public, go mattress surfing, g-“

“Everyone did mattress surfing!” It’s true and Mrs. Martin is still pissed about the dents in the wall.

“Okay fine none of you are allowed!” He paused and pointed at Stiles again, “I mean it if I hear one more phone call about the vibrater I ordered I’m going to rip off your fingers. Oh and Lydia I don’t care what you do at your house but at my loft-no bringing guys back.”

“A little over dramatic aren’t we?”

“Lydia, the least you could do is bring back someone with brain cells.”  Derek huffed.  He didn’t like the fact that she brought back guys in general. Plus he didn’t like the sad look Isaac got when he saw she was with someone else but he wasn’t going to mention that.

“They have brain cells.” Lydia defended.

“Last weekend you brought home a guy who looked at me and said, ‘Aren’t you a Hale? I heard your crazy uncle ate your family and lives in the woods like the kid from Jumanji when he got stuck in the game.’ “

Everyone doubled over with laughter. Lydia’s cheeks turned slightly pink and she crossed her arms, “I’d buy that story wouldn’t you?”

“It’s a little far-fetched.” Said a familiar yet unwanted voice, “I’ve always pictured myself as the big bad wolf from little red riding hood.”

Stiles groaned, “Now there’s an image I’ll never get out of my head.”

“Nobody likes you.” Isaac coughed.

Peter smirked, “Say no to drugs, children.”

Derek flipped him off. Peter waved at everyone, grabbed his keys, and left without another word.

“You’re done with me?” Stiles asked, “It sounded like you had more to say.”

Derek waved him off, “Scott you are not allowed to cook. If you want something to eat you can order take out or have the least drunk person do it, but not you.”

“Are you still mad about the olive oil?” Scott asked.

Derek’s glare proved to be the answer to his question. One night at the loft Scott called Derek’s name one too many times to come downstairs. Derek, not being able to stand the constant nagging by Scott, followed him to the kitchen at 4 am because it was his alpha and he said it was important.

Scott then took the olive oil and created a spiral on the pan. Scott grinned and said, “Look I made revenge.” The pain sizzled and Derek was not pleased that he woke up for that.

“Boyd no beer!” Derek said, “It makes you sick. Otherwise you’re good.”

"No problem, I'll just stick to smoking." Boyd stated.

“But everyone else is on your hit list?” Erica scoffed.

“You all know Boyd causes the least amount of problems.” Derek said, and then he met Allison’s eyes, “Allison, no pepper spray.”

“But it was directed at Peter and I hate Peter because he murdered my aunt.”

“She’s not even dead.” Erica drawled with a roll of her eyes.

“You’re going to defend me spraying Peter?”

“Good point.” Erica stated, “But I will like to say that when you come over you should put all of your knives in like a jar like what we do with our car keys, since two weeks ago you almost killed Isaac with those Chinese daggers.”

“That’s happened sober and drunk.” Isaac said to which Allison shrugged apologetically at him.

“I’m considering the jar idea.” Derek said.  “Now Isaac, you’re not allowed to bring wild animals home.”

“I do not!” Isaac said.

“Dude, I think it’s happened like 7 times.” Scott said.

"Man, there's a rabbit in the bathroom right now." Boyd states. 

"Oh and Deaton said he will totally come pick it up in a few hours." Scott says, "I forgot I received that message." 

Derek sighed, "Well that's good at least."

True, Isaac has brought home multiple rabbits, squirrels, and once a raccoon. The raccoon was the worst because it lived in the oven for 48 hours and hissed at anyone who opened it. Especially Derek, it hated Derek.  

“They follow me!” Isaac argued.

“He’s like Snow White; maybe if you let the animals hang out they’ll clean the loft for you Derek.” Stiles pointed out.

“Am I the only one who remembers the skunk he brought home? ”  Erica questioned. Boyd and Scott got sprayed and had to sit in tomato juice until Deaton gave them a product that you can find in any petco to remove the odor.

“Alright so if you see Isaac with a small furry creature please stop him.” Stiles said.

“Can we go back to sleep yet?” Lydia whined. Her head was resting on Isaac’s shoulder and Derek pretended not to hear his spiked heartbeat.  

“Just a few last minute things and I’d like to summarize a bit. Remember to call me if you can’t drive and need a ride, follow the individual rules, do not drink and drive. If you want to sleep in my bed, that’s fine. We all have our bad nights and they shouldn’t be neglected even if you have something to drink. If you get sick here, please do it in a trash can or toilet and I’ll be there to make sure everything goes good, okay?”

“Awe you’re so cute.” Stiles said.

“Shut up, Stiles.” Derek said.

“Wait-what about you?” Lydia asked.

“What about me?” Derek asked.

“When you have any type of liquor you like really want to touch Stiles but like the part of your brain that says people are watching is still on so you just stare at him like an obvious asshole until he notices and then you guys have public sex.”  Lydia said

“What?” Derek asked, “Anything I do with Stiles is private.”

“Raise your hand if you’ve walked in on Derek’s naked ass and or Stiles’s naked ass? Or worse?”

All hands were raised. Derek even got a text message from Peter who had sent him an emoji hand.

“What can I say?” Stiles spoke as he stood up and reached an arm around Derek’s back, “Can’t keep my hands off this, big guy.”

Derek glowered.  

“I think we all would just appreciate it if you at least made it to the bedroom.” Lydia said, “Because when I take guys home I take them to the guest room and if it’s occupied I used the car.”

“Shower works too!” Allison piped up, Scott blushing when she did.

“Oh Christ, have we all fucked in the shower at one point?” Stiles wondered.

Everyone responded in sheepish looks and laughter.

“Alright, whatever fine.” Derek glared. Stiles still had his arm comfortably wrapped around him, falling asleep on his feet.  “Okay that’s it. Let’s go back to sleep.”  He continued, practically holding Stiles up.

As the room cleared out and everyone went back to the spare mattresses on the other side of the wall by the kitchen and/or Derek’s bed Isaac stayed back as he stared at Lydia, hands in his pockets.

“You know…I live here.” He stated.

Lydia smiled, “Yes, you do. Still drunk from last night?”

In the loft itself Derek lived and there were three bedrooms upstairs; Erica and Boyd’s, Isaacs, and the guest bedroom. Yes, Peter showed up from time to time but thankfully he had his own place.

“Well if you ever wanted to stop bringing guys home and spend the night with me, my bedroom in particular that would be fine.”

Lydia smiled, biting down on her lower lip, “Hmmm could we try this morning and see how that goes?”

“I’m okay with that.” Isaac said as Lydia took his hand and led them upstairs.

Meanwhile Derek watched them go as Stiles was draped over his chest, “Despite all of the rules you just laid down you gotta admit, every night is fun and we all bring something to the table and you love it.”

“You’re still drunk.” Derek said, his fingers softly combing through the younger man’s hair.

“And maybe a little high, Boyd made brownies.”  He giggled.

Derek groaned, “Just…go to sleep. I’ll yell at all of you more, later.”

“Over pancakes?”  Stiles asked, half asleep with his face pressed against Derek’s shirt.

Derek tucked his face into Stiles’s head, “Yeah, over pancakes.”  

**Author's Note:**

> I found this unfinished document for this story while cleaning out my docs. I had the sudden inspiration to finish it. It's been such a long time since I wrote out something Teen Wolf related. Just some original pack good fun.


End file.
